“Fifty, nifty United States from thirteen original colonies….” Melodiously echoed through my 4th grade elementary school hallway one exceptional spring evening. The crowded hallways of my elementary school were lined with 4th graders dressed in various regional costumes like corn husks, pilgrim hats, mountain men, waving wheat and the Statue of Liberty all representing the Fifty Nifty United States. There had been so much eager anticipation for the evening and the musical that would conclude a most important elementary school year, the last year spent in the “younger” hallway. At the end of this year we would all be graduating to the much coveted 5th and 6th grade hallway. We had practiced, worked, crafted and looked forward for months to this night and our little 4th grade hearts were ready to go out there to our cafeteria stage and break a leg. As a class of 4th graders we had been divided up into states and were required to make a costume to represent that state. I was so excited when it had been announced that I would be one of the Hawaiian princesses, meaning I would represent one of the islands of Hawaii. Our teachers had randomly selected each student to represent a nifty part of our fifty states, and the group of girls that were selected as the Hawaiian princesses felt unique and very special. There is just something about the word “princess” that speaks straight to a little girl’s spirit. I can’t remember which island I represented, but I can remember the color I was assigned. Gold. Gold is a beautiful color, however in my diminutive 4th grade perspective gold was not the most beautiful color. Of course the most lovely and feminine color was pink. Pink was the most charming royal color to any little girl’s heart and at that deeply introspective point in my life that is exactly how I felt. That’s how we all felt. That color was assigned to my friend. It was definitely an honor to have been selected as one of only 8 total island princesses and we were all very happy, but there was something extra special for my friend that was the pink princess.
I can remember on the day of the show standing in the hallway while my mom snapped a picture of me in my gold princess dress and lei made of gold Christmas tinsel. I recall shopping with my grandmother to select the fabric for my dress and then going to her house and watching that loose fabric transform into the most radiant Hawaiian princess dress. I loved it so much I decided to go Trick or Treating in it the following year. I loved it.
Standing there in that hallway I was grinning from ear to ear and looked proud as punch to be representing my gold island. And yet without even realizing it I was making a vow in my heart that day. I can see myself smiling for the picture while out of the corner of my eye looking at my friend in her pink princess dress and thinking with a twinge of sorrow in my moldable heart, “Its okay I’m happy to be the gold princess. I can be okay that I wasn’t good enough to be the pink one. I really wanted to be the pink princess, and to me pink is the best most lovely color ever, but that wasn’t for me. I’m happy for my friend. It’s okay, I can accept that I’m just not worthy to be THAT princess.” I was standing there proud of my gold dress. I was not jealous of my friend at all. She was precious and I adored her, but in my own human nature I was making a personal vow and receiving a whisper from the enemy of my soul that I was not worthy. Mind you when selecting the colors, the girls, the islands etc the teachers had simply made random selections and in their minds no one color or island was better than the next. The thought that pink was superior came from within my own frame.
I wish I could say the inner vow I made that day started and stopped in the hallowed hallways of my elementary. Now, I went out and rocked the show being the best gold princess I could be that night. I laughed, sang, said my lines and played my part. No one, not even I really, recognized or knew the inner vow I made that day. It wasn’t until recently that the Holy Spirit even recalled that memory to my soul, let alone connecting the dots to feelings of unworthiness in my heart.
Now fast forwarding several years into my adulthood the Lord would reveal a scripture that has become the basis for the ministry at Glorious Daughters. As the Lord revealed His heart for me and the ministry through this scripture I have devoured its truth. I have studied it inside and out. I have read commentaries about it, read it in every translation, asked numerous women of all ages what their feelings are about this certain scripture and had so many intimate moments with the Father over this specific text. This part of scripture is personal to me. I say all that to represent the amount of time I have dwelt on this scripture. It has become a part of my very being, and yet there was an intentional piece, a specific word, that I have missed that only the tender love of the Holy Spirit could have cultivated.
I was talking with my husband recently after a worship service and relaying the story of the gold dress to him. I was in the middle of telling him that the Lord had cultivated the vision of me standing in the hallway and making the inner vow of unworthiness and how parts of my life had been lived based on that vow. I had played the part, bowed and accepted applause in my life but never viewed myself as worthy to be a daughter of the King. I had lived boldly as a servant in His House, but never as an heir to His Throne. I had never received the position to live like a daughter of the Most High King.
In the middle of our conversation I gasped dramatically! I cupped my hand over my mouth and whispered, “I’ve been missing it!” To which my husband, bless his heart - not being in my brain and although wanting to cannot read my thoughts, was like “What?! What is it Cari!?” I scrambled underneath my chair to get my Bible as quickly as I could. I was trembling as my fingers flipped madly through the Word trying to get to the scripture I had been led to start a ministry with. It was a scripture I had read a thousand times and could it be that I had missed the most important part that The King wanted to speak to my personal heart? Had I been missing it all along?!
“All glorious is the princess in her chamber, with robes interwoven with………….. gold.” Psalms 45:13
Gold. It was gold all along. As a princess of the King I have been adorned with……..gold.
To say I started weeping would be an understatement. Probably scared my husband a little bit, but those passionate stinging tears of healing could not be helped. I was worthy. In that moment of revelation it didn’t mean that pink wasn’t a royal color, it meant that the King had chose gold for THIS princess. It’s not about pink, purple, blue, magenta or silver. It’s personal. The King is personal to His daughters and He knew that only He would know that memory in my heart and that only that moment would connect the dots of worthiness in my life as His daughter. He had chosen to adorn me with gold because I was HIS princess. That’s far better than any pink Hawaiian princess.
Don’t miss that the King has selected you to live as HIS princess. He has chosen to adorn you with gold. Please don’t accept that you are unworthy, it couldn’t be further from the truth. What the King sees is a beauty worth lavishing with the life of His Son. He sees a creative genius just waiting to be expressed. He sees beautifully worn out hands and feet that are anxiously awaiting an opportunity to carry a cup of Life offering Refreshment to the broken hearted. He sees tenderness for people placed in a heart that at its weakest, most submissive, most vulnerable place is actually quiet radiant. He sees His daughter becoming all glorious within. And He is just waiting to adorn you with the royalty and grandeur of the color gold.
p..s..I do have a so awesome picture of this most crucial night in my elementary school life to post as soon as I can figure out how to scan it in here and get it uploaded.....check back in the days to come for the gold Hawaiian dress picture! :) Or take a peek at our Facebook page - love!